


Complications and Mistakes

by godcomplexfics (godtiercomplex)



Series: dysfunctional family funtimes [13]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M, Unhealthy Relationships, this isn't how a relationship works guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 08:09:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9712757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godtiercomplex/pseuds/godcomplexfics
Summary: Haise’s first European tour gets off to a rough start.In which; Haise has a choice to make, Tsukiyama’s complaining, and Hide just wants to drink the evenings away.(Reposted due to Ao3 mishaps)





	

One late fall evening finds Haise at Anteikou with a grumpy Tsukiyama. He's trying to ignore him and focus on reading the book reviews for _The Dusk of Tanaka Taro_ on his laptop but it's so difficult when Tsukiyama is being Tsukiyama.

“I have to be in Hong Kong, so I can’t join you,” Tsukiyama says, “I don’t want you seeing Paris without me, so reschedule your appearances there by a we--”

“What? No,” Haise doesn’t look up from his laptop, but he can just tell that Tsukiyama’s giving him a betrayed expression. He’s been making small demands, all of which Hide gladly listens to. Haise has told them both off for that, time and time again, but even so most of Tsukiyama’s demands are still being met. And even with that, Tsukiyama’s still acting like an asshole.

“Mind taking your little quarrel out of my shop?” Touka refills his coffee mug though, and he smiles at her.

“I’m so sorry, Touka.”

“See?” Tsukiyama points a finger between them, “There you go again, flirting. I cannot allow you to go to Paris alone! You don’t even speak French, they will eat you alive.”

“I’m not going alone, Hide’s going with me.”

“Hide,” Tsukiyama scowls, “Oh yes, dear me, how reassuring it is to hear that you’ll be alone with Hide for weeks on end.”

Touka throws up her hands and heads to another table, with a mutter of, “You two.”

“Hide is my best friend,” Haise says. “And you have no right to say that considering we’re not dating.” And then the argument continues until Tsukiyama leaves in a huff in the rain.

Haise lays his head on the table for a few moments that turn into minutes. Before he knows it, he hears the quiet clang of his mug being collected, and Touka is staring down at him when he looks up. The rest of the cafe patrons are gone.

“What?” he jokes, “Do you have a problem with me today as well?”

“Yes,” Touka says, “Do you realize how dysfunctional your relationship with that man is? Has been for years now?”

“We’re not in a relationship,” he protests.

“Yes, you are! Haise, the evidence is all over your neck sometimes that you are! I’ve been to your house. He basically lives there!” Touka settles down on the chair that Tsukiyama had abandoned.

“Are you honestly sticking up for him?” Haise asks, incredulously.

“I’m calling you out for being selfish.”

“I’m . . .did you even just hear him ask me to change my tour dates?”

“Because he thinks you’re going to cheat on him! If you were my boyfriend, I might be just as insecure as that--but no, I wouldn’t want to date you if how you treat him is how you treat--”

“Touka, he’s been stalking me for years, we’re not dating. I can’t cheat on someone I’m not together with. . .”

“You say that, but you totally are together with him. You don’t need to lie to me about it!” Their voices were echoing, and he glances around for a second at the closed down place. He sighs, and can’t find an answer for that. Because he isn’t with Tsukiyama. He doesn’t even like him the majority of the time, choosing to ignore him the rest of the time. In general, Tsukiyama pisses him off and makes him angry more often than not.

“He’s just,” Haise hates how defeated he sounds, “Tsukiyama. I couldn’t get rid of him if I tried.”

“Have you even tried?” Touka asks seriously. “Your relationship is such a trainwreck. It’s so unhealthy and toxic that even Hinami couldn’t leave it alone! She tried to break you guys up! Don’t you remember that?”

He does, he remembers Hinami telling him to date other people and suggesting men and women to him. He remembers turning down her offers, and now he is remembering Chie and her photographs. Had Tsukiyama been unable to turn down one of her requests? Is that how he had ended up . . .

“We’re not dating, we’re not together. There’s nothing to break up.”

“Then you need to tell him that and tell him to leave you alone. Stop leading him on and giving him false hope. You’re both unhappy like this, can’t you see this, Haise?”   

“Touka. . .”

She stands up, seemingly done with yelling at him, and with a large frown on her face as she declares,“We’re closed, go home.” He tries to talk to her more, but she steadfastly ignores him and goes about straightening up her cafe. Everyone else won’t meet his eyes either, so he just leaves.  

 

* * *

 

Home is something odd recently. Saiko is making videos constantly, handheld camera a gift from Arima in hand always, and two of the boys are behaving in a way that’s not leading to broken furniture, so they’re _behaving_. Tooru is the only one who’s not causing damage to private property, but he does seem more quiet and withdrawn lately so he’s not behaving like his usual self.  

When he gets home, for once, Tsukiyama isn’t there.

“Oh, Sassan, while you’re gone can we build--” Shirazu is holding up a motorcycle picture, and Haise can already see the damages.

“No. Tooru, please keep them from building a motorbike.”

“Oh,” Tooru sounds disappointed, “Alright.”

“Suzuya says he’d help!” Shirazu says in protest, “Right, Urie?”

“Leave me out of this,” Urie responds, and keeps doing his homework.

“Even if Juuzuo helps, still no.” Haise gives that final decree and goes into his bedroom. He can’t help but notice that all of Tsukiyama’s stuff is how he left it that morning. And that he still isn’t sure why their whites drawer have mixed like they have. He packs his bags, and then calls Hide.

“Would it be silly to go drinking this soon to leaving?”

“Never a better reason. Which bar do you have in mind?”

He tells him, and finishes off the call. Drinks with his best friend will calm him down, he’s sure.

 

* * *

 

The bar is just what he needs, and he and Hide drink until it closes, and then he goes and crashes on Hide’s couch for the night. They end up speaking around the issues that brought Haise out. He’s not sure if he’s ready to talk about those yet, even with the help of alcohol.

In the morning, he drives home, and finds Tsukiyama drinking coffee and reading the newspaper like he belongs there. And Haise considers what Touka told him, and considers Tsukiyama, and then stops considering things because his head hurts. He pours himself coffee, and drinks it down. He’s on his second cup, when Tsukiyama asks with a tone that tries but fails to be casual, “Late night drinking with Hide?”

“Your jealousy is showing,” Haise says, and then rubs at his face. He doesn’t want to deal with this. Especially not hung over. When Tsukiyama pins him to the counter, and tugs down his shirt collar, Haise allows it. He drinks his second cup and tolerates it. There’s not a mark on him, because he didn’t sleep with Hide, or anyone else, and he never has. He’s not like Tsukiyama.

He blinks, a bit surprised at that thought, and Tsukiyama kisses his cheek, and steps back.

“I’m leaving,” Tsukiyama announces, and Haise shrugs because he doesn’t care. “Have fun in France,” Tsukiyama sounds bitter still, but there’s no helping that. There’s no helping any of this, he gave that up a long time ago. He’s just waiting it out now.

 

* * *

 

Touka had accused him of leading Tsukiyama on, but the other man had known from day one what they were to one another. The fact is that Haise has let Tsukiyama get away with too much for far too long. He needs to reestablish their boundaries. He knows that. He’s just too busy to do it now.

He gets on the plane two days after Tsukiyama goes to Hong Kong, and lands in Germany to start his book tour off properly. It’s not his first tour and it won’t be his last. They’re a bit pointless, book tours, but they allow his fans to meet and greet him and he likes to connect with the people who have spent money on his books. Plus they’re a nice break from Japan and a nice break from his family for a while. His usual tours are in Japan, but then he’d gotten a lot fan mails and emails from overseas, and so his company had decided to take a risk on him. Each location they visit is packed, and he ends up tired at the end of the day. But he’s having fun.

That’s the most important part to him. Hide is also having fun, and the rest of the staff too, and they end up drinking to celebrate a successful trip through the Germanic countries before heading west to London and then back to the continent for France.

“Congratulations again, Sasaki-sensei,” Hide says, and he’s grinning as he drinks his first rate, world renowned German beer. Haise taps their mugs together, and grins.

“You’ll give me a complex, Hide.” Haise laughs, and drinks his beer. He doesn’t like beer, but he can appreciate how good this must be to other people.

“Sorry, Haise. Seemed appropriate,” Hide sits down, and they’re at one of the local bars, and speaking Japanese, so they should stand out. But it’s loud enough and there’s other languages mixing into the air that they blend in well enough.

“I guess it was,” he laughs, “My English isn’t the best, but they understood me well enough, huh? I wish I had learned German in university past one semester.”

“The translators understood you, so that’s what matters. Is your French better?”

“After living with Saiko and Tsukiyama for so long I’d hope so!” Haise laughs again, and then stops. He considers what he’s said as Hide watches him.

“Right, they do sometimes have arguments in French, don’t they?” Hide laughs, probably remembering all the fights that Saiko got into with Tsukiyama. Watching his tiny daughter go off on Tsukiyama truly is something.

“Yeah . . . he practices with her and corrects her grammar sometimes.” He wonders when the hell that had happened. And he isn’t living with Tsukiyama, the other man is just an unwelcome constant visitor in his home. He needs to watch his language.

“He’s a good person to do all that. He seemed really upset that he couldn’t come with us to France.”

“I don’t _care_ ,” Haise says, “We already rearranged things a few times due to him, and I don’t even like that we did that. You shouldn’t indulge him so much, Hide.”

“Well,” Hide says, “He is your . . . so it only makes sense to indulge him a bit, right?”

“He’s my what?”

“Your something,” Hide says, and then looks into his glass, “Ah, my glass is empty. Want a refill, Haise?”

Haise looks at his empty glass (when had that happened it had just been halfway full) and nods. “Sure, a refill would be nice.” Hide takes glass, and heads up to the bar, leaving Haise alone with his thoughts of his _something_.

 

* * *

 

In France, he meets Laurie. He’s spoken to her on the phone a few times, video called with her a few times more, but still nothing prepares him for the full Laurie experience, or the small dog she drags around Paris named Charlie. Laurie is taller than Tsukiyama, has thick muscles, and a beard. She explains that she's genderfluid and typically dresses in masculine clothing for her day to day life.

She shows him and Hide around Paris when they’re not at signings, and it’s a generally good experience. He knows he’s made the right choice in trusting her to keep an eye on his daughter while Saiko navigates the online world.

“I wouldn’t mind letting Saiko come to France as long as you sticked by her side,” Haise says.

“That’s good to know, Mr. Sasaki,” Laurie says, “There’s an expo happening that she’s interested in attending next year, if you would want to bring her up here.”

He and Hide share a look as each try to imagine the normally withdrawn Saiko in France. She’s gone to competitions before, but never in a foreign country. And Haise’s French is not nearly good enough to navigate around conventions and such.

“I’ll see,” he settles on saying, “But only if you’d be our guide, Miss Laurie.”

Laurie nods, “Of course. Miss Kano--Saiko, rather--is a dear friend.”

 

* * *

 

 

He and Hide go out drinking in Nice, and now all of Haise’s concerns come spilling out.

“Am I really leading Tsukiyama on?”

“Hmm,” Hide considers his blue drink, and requests a second round for the both of them, “You are, but that’s okay.”

Haise just looks at Hide in shock for a moment as their drinks come.

“It’s okay?” he asks, because it’s not okay if he’s truly being selfish like Touka said. It shouldn’t be okay that he’s leading Tsukiyama on if he is, but Hide doesn’t seem concerned with that.

“It’s you after all. You’re doing it for yourself, so that’s fine.” Hide falls silent for a moment, and finishes off his second glass while Haise’s still on his first. “Now that you’ve realized this, how does this make you feel? What will you do?”

“I don’t know,” And he’s surprised at how confused he sounds. Hide looks less surprised, but squeezes his shoulder, and tells him it’ll be okay.

“You’re a strong man, Haise. I know you’ll do what’s best for you. Just think it over carefully. What do you want Tsukiyama to be to you?”

 

* * *

 

Haise doesn’t want Tsukiyama to be anything to him. But it’s too late for that, has been for a while. He ends up tossing and turning in his hotel room after he and Hide part for the night. His memories of Tsukiyama surface and, they’re not all bad, and none of them are all good. They’re just there inside his head to keep him up at night. They’re always going to be a part of him, much like Tsukiyama more than likely will because he doesn’t know how to make him leave. Because his first mistake was letting him stay because he felt pity for him, and fear towards him as well for what he would do to his family otherwise.

For all intents and purposes, he’s been dating his stalker. Their relationship is toxic, unhealthy, and all the things that Touka said are coming back to him. But, Hide’s “It’ll be okay,” anchors him, keeps him from drowning in his guilt. He doesn’t understand why he should feel guilty about anything to do with Tsukiyama. He’s not the one who cheated. He’s not the one who kidnapped Tsukiyama. He’s not the one who says things like “I’ll kill both of us.” He’s not the one with a photographer best friend who takes photos of him doing random day-to-day activities. He’s not the one who’s been invading Tsukiyama’s life, tangling them up so much that it’s impossible to detangle them.

Like now, Haise feels off in a way that he can’t explain and it’s all because there’s been no communication attempts of any kind from Tsukiyama. Normally he would have received hundreds of texts and calls. But, Tsukiayama had said “I’m leaving,” and that had been the last Haise had heard from him. He wonders what that means, and wonders if that was Tsukiyama finally giving up on him. He wonders if when he returns home, if he’ll find that his room is just his room again, and wonders what that will mean for him.

He’s selfish, he knows this. He’s built his life into what he wants it to be, allowed only people who will keep him happy in it, and yet Tsukiyama is there. Tsukiyama might always be there, and nothing Haise has done has changed that fact. He’s just accepted it at some point because it’s been almost five years, and Tsukiyama is just so easy. He’s convenient, and he’s available, and Haise’s been making use of him for far too long to stop now.

He doesn’t have a label to put on Tsukiyama, because there are no labels for what they are to each other.

 

* * *

 

They arrive at the first hotel in Italy, and Tsukiyama is waiting in the lobby. Haise feels something in him give even as he looks to Hide. Hide just shrugs, and starts directing everyone around after handing Haise his roomkeys.

“What are you doing here?” he asks Tsukiyama. Tsukiyama’s manager, Kanae, is looking sore and sour standing next to Haise’s not lover.

“We will at least see Italy together, if not France,” Tsukiyama says, getting up to kiss Haise. Haise allows it for a moment, and considers him again. He’s dressed up, but not as gaudy as he’s prone to. It’s an improvement as much as it is odd. It stirs something in Haise to see him like this, but he ignores the weird feeling and steps back a bit.

“Are you working?”

“Yes,” Kanae says, “Now that you’ve seen Sasaki let us return to the shoot.”

“Shush,” Tsukiyama says, and then takes Haise’s roomkeys and grabs one for himself, “I’ll come back later.”

“There’s no real need for that,” Haise says, but Tsukiyama just smiles at him, and tells Kanae that he’s leaving. Kanae follows grumbling all the while.

He wants to know why Tsukiyama hasn’t called him all this time, but decides it doesn’t really matter as he goes up to his room. On his way inside, he runs into Hide coming from his room down the hall.

“Did you and Tsukiyama plan this?” Haise asks.

“He made me promise not to tell,” Hide says, “And also said he wouldn’t bother you the entire trip if I did. I wasn’t going to tell him if he should or not do that, but he seemed determined so,” Hide shrugs.

Haise goes into his room and puts away his bags. He freshens up, and considers things. He was still being selfish, but as long as he and Tsukiyama were alright with it, it didn’t matter really what other people thought.

 

* * *

 

He ends up breaking another one of his almost forgotten principles by taking Tsukiyama to dinner the next night. It is a quiet family-owned restaurant, and friendly to English speakers. They are charmed by Tsukiyama’s Italian, and pay them extra attention.

Tsukiyama asks, “Why dinner?” once they’re all settled in.

“Because it’s dinner time, we’re in Italy, and it seemed like something to do tonight.”

“Ah, I see.” But Haise has to wonder if Tsukiyama does see as he remains tense until Haise takes a drink of his wine, and aims a slight smile his way. Tsukiyama takes his hand, and grips it tightly.

“Eating dinner like this is alright. But no, you still can’t cook for me.” Haise refreshes his own glass of wine, and makes a show of taking a small sip. Tsukiyama watches him, and laughs.

“Honestly, I wouldn’t try to drug you, I think I’ve learned my lesson.”

“I’m eating dinner with you now, aren’t I?”

“But you won’t eat anything I cook.”

“No, I won’t.”

“Haise. . . how cruel you are to your lover.” Tsukiyama sighs, “After I tried so hard not to bother you on your tour at that.”

“You didn’t need to go so far,” Haise admits. He doesn’t say, _I missed you_. He’s finding that he had. This banter with Tsukiyama that’s never ending is interesting, it keeps him going sometimes. It helps him stay sharp, probably will keep him sharp even when they’re old and gray. His heart stops for a moment.

 _Old and gray?_ He tries to picture Tsukiyama as an old man and fails. He tries to picture himself as an old man and fails again. He’s still a young man so it’s difficult to picture himself as an old one.

Tsukiyama pouts, and Haise takes his hand back to hide the fact that it’s shaking just a bit. He stops thinking, makes himself turn back from that train of thought, and tells Tsukiyama all about France, and about how much he’s sure Saiko will like it if she ever gets to visit.

“Maybe I should bring her here, hm?” Tsukiyama suggests, “We can all come here.”

“I doubt the boys would be interested, but we’ll see.”

They finish dinner, and walk back to the hotel, still talking casually over Paris, and Nice, and Lyon.

 

* * *

 

They run into Hide on the way into the room, and he smiles at them both and wishes them a goodnight. Tsukiyama thanks him, and ushers Haise into the room.

“You really will need to stop being so jealous over Hide all the time.” Haise says as he lets Tsukiyama tug off his jacket, and press him into the door. “He’s my best friend and even did you such a huge favor.”

“When it comes to you, my love, I find that I cannot be rational.”

“Why?” Haise asks.

“Because I love you,” Tsukiyama says, “I don’t want to lose you to anyone if I can help it.”

“Ah,” Haise sighs, and doesn’t say anything for a long moment. Tsukiyama kisses him, and he kisses him back. Better to ignore that confession, better to ignore the serious look on Tsukiyama’s face than to acknowledge it. He’s being selfish, and he’s okay with that. Tsukiyama’s not complaining overly much, and even if he was, it doesn’t mean he’s going to leave Haise.

Tsukiyama Shuu is Haise’s as much as Haise doesn’t want him. He doesn’t need him, but he’s still there. He doesn’t want him, but he’s still there. They’re tied together despite it being healthy or unhealthy. This is them, in spite of what other people think.

Tsukiyama undresses him, and Haise undresses him and they make their way to the bed. After years of this, habits and routines develop, and he finds himself  hovering above Tsukiyama as the man moans beneath him. Haise sucks a bruise against Tsukiyama’s neck, leaving a trail of them down his body as Haise’s never done before. Haise swipes his tongue along Tsukiyama’s cock, before drawing it into his mouth, and sucking nice and hard. Tsukiyama’s begging him to do more, and so Haise does so. He opens him up with his fingers and tongue until Tsukiyama comes, taking them both by surprise.

Tsukiyama is a mess, incoherent as he apologizes, but Haise soothes him with gentle touches until he’s hard again. Then he spreads lube onto his cock and enters him, slowly and carefully as Tsukiyama tightens around him and holds him close.

Haise’s overcome with emotions, all twisted together until he’s not sure what’s he’s feeling when he looks into Tsukiyama’s face, and at the tears of pleasure leaking from his eyes.

All he knows, all he’ll ever know, is that he wants this for as long as he can have it. This is in spite of how selfish it may or not be. This is because of how much their bodies fit together like this, and how much he knows Tsukiyama.

Ending this now wouldn’t make either of them happier, if there is even a happiness to be had at this point.

That in mind, he’s not so gentle when he fucks Tsukiyama, and Tsukiyama doesn’t mind. They rock together, and come together.

Afterwards, he cleans Tsukiyama up, and they fall asleep, and it reminds Haise of home.

 

* * *

 

On the plane back home, Hide asks him if he’s figured out the situation yet.

“Is it okay if I’m selfish for just a bit longer?” Haise asks.

“That’s fine,” Hide assures him, “As long as you’re happy that’s fine.”


End file.
